My daughter carelessly tosses her head as my camera catches her twirling hair. The sweetness and beauty make me stop and wonder. How is it possible that she’s my daughter? What loveliness! What love for life. My mind plays through memories, and I’m struck with the beauty of the life before me.
I find these time-stand-still moments, the ones that produce wonder in me, are more fleeting than I would like. More times than not I find that everyday life has a way of wearing down my wonder. Have you experienced this? The exhaustion of small children, the pain that dulls my senses, the disappointment and fear that steal from this moment. I find my vision becoming more and more narrow and my heart more and more insensitive to God’s wooing. And yet He beckons me! Every day I need His love and truth to wash over me. I need The Lord’s wide understanding and vision to come and give me perspective, without it, I begin to feel heavy. I become burdened with anxiety and fear over all of the looming ‘what ifs’. Maybe you can relate?
I find that everyday life has a way of wearing down my wonder.
Think of a journal. The everyday can be seen on one page at a time, as we write and process and read and pray. But soon enough you can hold a filled journal in your hands, and a chapter in your story can be viewed apart from the everyday. As weeks and months build on each other, you see a broader picture of an entire season. Recently my journal ran out of pages, and it never fails that when my journal ends, I feel like my personal seasons are changing. The last season of my life has been pretty intense with a lot of change and painful losses. Pouring through the pages of my now spent journal I see my daily battles to be whole and present with the Lord in middle of wrestling and pain.
Every pain, joy, and change has worked for my good.
I honestly still cringe thinking about all that this last season has held and how weak my reach toward God has felt. But as I was reading through my journal, I began to see through a different lens. I could clearly see that there is so much history being made here! Here in the moment to moment Jesus and I have history together. There is beauty weaving in and through pages of my story, no matter how mundane or lifeless they seemed at the time. This phrase I wrote stood out to me as a stamp on a season. “Every pain, joy, and change has worked for my good. You uphold me, pursue me and heal my understanding of who you are and who I am.” I’m truly in awe of Him and His ability to use the twists and turns in the plotline of my story.
May our every day be filled with wonder.
Jesus is writing a story in me, and He is writing a story in you! I hope that if you are in the throes of a painful season, you can stop and see the beauty in your story. I hope that you find courage and rejoice in the history you are making with God. May our every day be filled with wonder. He has been so good to us, if we will have eyes to see it!
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About the Author
Aleah is a worship leader on staff at King of Kings. Aleah is married to Tyler, and together they have two kids, Theo and Eila.